would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
