I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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