I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
