There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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