Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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