I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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