I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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