Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
