wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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