I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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