Can i not drive my cunt home
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
