Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
