I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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