guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize