proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
