my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I currently don't understand fingers.
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