she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
