I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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