"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize