remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
