dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
