i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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