She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
