Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
