It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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