I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
