Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize