I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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