No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
