I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
