Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
