You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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