Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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