Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
