Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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