Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
