Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You pole danced in your parka.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
