you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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