Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
COCAINE IS GR8
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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