I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
