chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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