You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
