Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
