I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
