have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
