I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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