a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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