It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
