the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
