first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We need a shit load of segways right now
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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