If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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