Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
