Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
