some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize