My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
