I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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