I wannas sexs uuuuu
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
