he shaved USA in his pubs
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
