reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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