I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The Olympian is in my bed
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
