2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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