You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
