Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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