Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
