I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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