3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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