Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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