dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So apparently I’m into choking now
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