Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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