Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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