I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
